In March, Robert was rushed back from Afghanistan because his step dad was not doing well. Within 10 days, Robert lost the man he called Dad all his life and then - unexpectedly - his mom. It was a staggering, sudden, painful blow.
In June Robert retired from the Air Force, completing just shy of 26 years of military service. Then we headed from North Dakota to South Carolina with a planned stop for a couple weeks in North Carolina to see my parents and for the kids to attend Camp Up with People Jr.
We arrived in North Carolina to find my dad in the hospital. Twelve days later, we lost my Dad.
I don't think you are ever prepared to lose a loved one. We sure weren't prepared to lose Duane, Ruth, or Dad.
In the midst of all of this, Robert has started a new job in South Carolina and we are buying our first house since he joined the Air Force. All these things are huge, life changing events. But thrown in such rapid succession into such a giant, boiling pot, it's a lot to deal with all at once.
I don't know what to say or how to feel. I don't know thousands of things.
I know there is a process to grief. I'm not sure how to proceed through it when it's layered like this.
All the above are the facts, more or less.
The emotions, however, are a completely different story.
Once again, Robert is there and the kids and I are here. Logically it makes sense - at least on paper - for him to be there and working until we can all move into our new house.
However. Emotionally? Man does this suck. And that, my friends, is the understatement of the year.
I feel like I'm in limbo - I bounce back and forth between numb and waves of emotions that are so powerful and fast changing I don't have a chance to identify or process them before the next wave hits. I'm sure this is pretty common. I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this way. I keep reminding myself of all the good things in my life - and there are many, even in the midst of a year like this. I just have to keep going. And I can. And I will.
Friday was a good day. Today is going to be harder. That's okay. Time keeps ticking forward whether you are ready or not and no matter what has happened. It's just the way it is. So today I'll work a little harder at being able to accept this new version of life. And maybe tomorrow will be a little easier than today.
